


Sunshine, Lolipops and Rainbows

by Cuthwyn



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics)
Genre: Anal Sex, Birthday Sex, Happy Jason dancing in the kitchen is my jam, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Roy needs a hug, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, recovery ftw!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 16:34:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10222577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuthwyn/pseuds/Cuthwyn
Summary: It's Jason's birthday. Jason is having a good day for once.Roy's day is not going quite so well.The bugs are crawling beneath his skin.Like hell he's ruining Jason's good day with his issues though.Jason was too good for him anyway.How many times can a man cut his hair?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Random one shot I wrote in a night shift whilst avoiding actual essays.
> 
> Sure Jason's birthday is months away but meh.

Roy wasn't sure what had happened to make this a bad day.  
It had started like any other. He woke up alone to the sound of Jason already pottering around. His partner always liked to get up at eight o'clock. Then he washed, dressed and made breakfast. At nine o'clock he would saunter back off to the bathroom and take his meds. Roy would bet any money that nine o'clock was the morning medication round at Arkham. Institutionalisation was a wonderful thing.

  
Groaning, Roy swallowed down a wave of nausea and turn his face out of his pillow to squint at the alarm clock. Eight thirty.  
One of these days he was going to call Arkham and give them a piece of his mind. Was it too much to ask to not be woken up at the ass crack of dawn every morning? Okay, the ass crack of dawn was a tad melodramatic, but when he'd been up until Christ knows when as Arsenal and then what little sleep he had, broken by Jason's nightmares, he deserved a bit of melodrama.  
'Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows' Jason's singing caught his attention and Roy sat up and cocked his head, not quite trusting that this wasn't a dream.  
Clambering out of bed, Roy almost tripped over the blankets as he made his way to the bedroom door and creaked it open.

Jason was listening to the radio singing along to Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows. A song that was far to cheerful for a DJ to be playing at this time on a Tuesday morning.  
'Brighter than a lucky penny, when you're near the rain just disappears, dear. And I feel so fine, just to know that you are mine' Jason sang, spinning around with a funny little hip jiggle as he danced to the song Roy was surprised to discover he even knew.  
Folding his arms across his bare chest, Roy leant a shoulder against the doorframe with a small smile. Watching Jason sing his little heart out looking so, well, happy.  
Physically he looked a damn mess. Freshly showered hair stood at odd angles, dropping water onto his Wonder Woman tshirt. Despite the bright smile on his face, Roy noticed the ever present shadows beneath Jason's eyes.  
So young yet Jason had been through so much, plagued constantly by a hell only he really knew. Yet here he was, fighting every step of the way along a path of recovery he had carved out all by himself. Jason was such a remarkable human being with a strength Roy could only dream of. Beautiful, brave and with such a kind heart, no matter how many times the world had tried to rip it from him. Jason had every right to hate the world, and on bad days, he did, but he never lost his magic. And it was magic, because only magic could even begin to explain Jason Todd.  
He was the sheer definition of amazing. And maybe slightly euphoric today judging by the toast he was munching as he danced. Chuckling, Roy shook his head and wiped at a wetness in his eyes that were not tears. How on earth did he end up with someone like Jason?  
Roy Harper the washed out, used up, broken addict had someone like him.

'You perving on me, Harper?'  
Blinking, Roy pushed away from the doorframe to grin at Jason stood in the middle of the kitchen with a petulant pout.  
'Happy Birthday, Jaybird!' He greeted, walking over he placed a chaste peck against his partner's temple. Jason frowned and looked from Roy to the clock on the microwave.  
'Oh good God, Jaybird! Have you seriously forgotten your own birthday?' Roy couldn't help but chuckle. Spinning on his heel, Jason stormed over to his phone and unlocked it. His eyes suddenly widened in comprehension.  
'Well, that explains the missed calls and text messages.'  
Pressing up behind him, Roy wrapped his arms around Jason's waist.  
'Yup. That it would Jaybird. Was gonna make you breakfast in bed but you kinda beat me to it.'  
Frowning, Jason leant his head to the side to allow him to study Roy's face quizzically.  
'Why would I eat breakfast in bed? I am neither sick nor injured? You don't eat breakfast in bed you have to get up for it? Don't be dumb.'  
Humming, Roy gave his moron of a boyfriend a light squeeze, trying to hide the amused smirk in his shoulder. Sometimes, the way Jason made sense of the world was hilarious.  
'True, true. You are also meant to eat at the table Mr Smarty Pants.'

Jason's frown deepened, he looked down at the half eaten toast and pointedly took a huge bite.  
'Tables are optional. Beds are for sleeping.' Jason ground out around a mouthful of toast.  
'Huh, just sleeping eh? You sure about that?'  
Yelping when Jason elbowed him in the ribs, Roy grinned and placed his chin on his shoulder.  
'Sorry.'  
Jason grunted his forgiveness and reclaimed his cup of tea, sipping at it with a very thoughtful expression, before Roy could enquire as to why, Jason paused, his lips hovering just above the rim of the cup.  
'It's my birthday today. How old am I now?'  
Blinking, Roy was taken aback a bit by the question. One of those painful reminders of how poorly Jason had been.  
'Twenty Jaybird. You're twenty.' Roy replied, turning to kiss the corner of Jason's lips. With a thoughtful hum, Jason turned towards him to participate in the kiss. Lips soft and for once, pliant. Jason moved so he was facing him, body pressed up against his, so trusting. It was addictive. Who needed drugs when you had Jason Todd?

Most people would have described Jason's birthday as boring. Roy dragged Jason over to the couch and fired up Netflix, declaring that it was a chill day and there would be no arguments on the matter. Jason grumbled about a whole list of jobs he had to do, but he relented to sitting next to Roy, sure, sometimes he got up to potter around, to smoke, to just move. Roy let it go with a soft smile, Jason was having a good day and for once, had energy. The moron never did quite know what to do with himself when his mental state hadn't sapped every ounce from his body.  
No one from Jason's family showed up, but Jason did succumb to calling Dick. Roy laughed as Jason held the phone with an excitable Dick jabbering on, away from his ear and gave Roy a desperate 'help me' look. The reason the family hadn't descended with loud voices and brightly coloured balloons with wrapped presents, was because Roy had visited each of them last week and read them the riot act. Sure, he wasn't a miracle worker but Jason's loved ones had agreed to leave him alone on the big day and visit in dribs and drabs over the next week or so. No gifts. Sure, offer to take Jason out for coffee, make him a sandwich, whatever, just do not bring presents.It was why Roy had left a new teapot in the cupboard. Jason didn't cope well with surprises, and the social conventions around gift giving and being given a wrapped parcel with something he didn't know was safe inside, just sent him spiralling down into an anxious mess.

Jason found the teapot when he had insisted on making lunch because like hell Roy was messing up his kitchen. Roy smiled when he heard a yelp of surprise and he peered over the couch to see Jason lifting the lid of his new teapot and peering inside it. God knows why and like hell Roy was finding out that ball of crazy. He was probably checking for a bomb. Once it had been deemed safe, Jason placed it on the counter with a smile and quickly dashed off to choose a tea and collect two cups. Apparently Roy was having tea if he liked it or not. Lying back against the couch, Roy let his eyes drift back to the film. His fingers unconsciously rubbing at his forearm, it felt like bugs were crawling beneath his skin. Someone like him shouldn't have nice things. A washed up, spent addict did not deserve to have nice things. An addict did not deserve to fall in love. His only saving grace, was that Jason had never said those three words, even if Roy found himself spewing them multiple times a day. After all, someone like him could never love and be loved in return. To belong with someone but not to them. To be respected.  
'You 'kay, Harper?'  
A cup of Milk Thistle tea was pressed into his hands, forcing him to stop rubbing at his arm. He looked up at Jason and forced a smile.  
'Sure am, Birthday Boy!'  
That's what today was. Jason's birthday and Roy was not selfish enough to steal the limelight from him with his own problems.

No, it was not a birthday most people would have overly enjoyed but Jason was not most people. Roy smiled to himself and leaned down to kiss away the droplets of sweat from Jason's forehead.  
Birthday sex though had apparently been on his Jaybird's okay list today. For once, even initiating it, which was new but Roy quite happily rolled with it. Pun most probably intended.  
This was what he needed, the high from Jason's body chasing away the bugs and malignancy inside him.  
Jason smiled groggily, shifting his hips, he cackled when Roy groaned and thrust deeper into him.  
'Quit it.' Roy chided half heartedly, gazing down at the man below him in wonder. Yet again, confused as to how on earth he ended up with such a beautiful person. 'Or I'll have to make love to you again.'  
The words were sappy and cheesy, and that was exactly why he had chosen them.  
Bursting out laughing, Jason blushed a deep pink and turned his face into the pillow.  
'The fuck is that, Harper!'  
Slipping out, Roy trailed a hand down before thrusting two fingers in where his cock had been, grinning at the slick feeling of lube and his own cum. Jason gasped and tensed up for a moment, before relaxing his pelvis back down into the mattress. His reward was Roy circling his fingers in that way which made Jason swallow down a whimper.  
'This is making love, Jaybird.'

Sure he wasn't fifteen anymore, Roy was going to need a little respite before going for round two, but like hell that was stopping him from playing. Jason gasped and moaned, completely at ease with the situation and with what Roy was doing.  
'Fuck off. You're such an old man.'  
'Am not an old man, Jaybird!' Roy protested, swatting Jason's butt just to see the shock on his face.  
'Are too! If I'm twenty you're like, I dunno, thirty?'  
Laughing, Roy smiled when a certain look flashed across Jason's eyes and he retracted his fingers before it got too much for him.  
'I'm a few years younger than that Jay! I'm still in my twenties.'  
'Pfft, twenty is old, you're practically vintage.'  
The playful argument carried on for a little while longer. Jason too blissed out and tired out to notice Roy's slight change of demeanour.  
The words that were said in jest had struck a very painful cord with Roy.  
Roy Harper was nothing more than a washed out, used up, broken addict. Spent before the age of thirty.

Silently, Roy tucked Jason into bed with a soft kiss, his eyes drifting to his partner's softening cock. Jason hadn't reached climax tonight.  
The few logical brain cells, Roy hadn't drugged out into oblivion, pointed out that it wasn't something to worry about.  
It was a testament to Jason's past traumas not his attraction to Roy.  
Yet tonight, doubt twisted in his gut. Roy ran trembling fingers along the back of his elbow, following the scars along a long collapsed vein. Needle tracks. Back from before he had discovered that injecting into his groin held greater benefits, like secrecy. He'd never told Jason about that pathetic low point, he probably knew anyway, Jaybird was hardly innocent to that world.  
How could anyone find that attractive? He sure as hell didn't.  
Sighing, Roy cast a final look at Jason sleeping soundly before creeping out of bed and heading to the bathroom. Switching on the light, Roy stood for a moment and listened to the calming hum of the extractor fan. He looked at himself in the mirror for an insane amount of time.  
Washed up. Broken. Spent. All used up.  
His hair hung in straggly clumps and with the added emergence of stubble, Roy couldn't help but grimace. He really did look like Roy the fucking addict. Without a word, he dug out the clippers from beneath the sink and started setting it up.

Roy was prone to change his physical appearance on impulse. When he couldn't stand to look in the mirror anymore. When he can't stand the person looking back at him. Roy the fucking addict. Washed up, broken and useless. No matter how many times he cut his hair or grew a beard, changed his clothes, Roy the addict always stared back at him.

'Harper? What the fuck you doing?' Came a groggy voice and Roy froze, his eyes rising to see Jason reflected in the mirror, nude and looking rather confused. Teal eyes fell to the clippers in his hands.  
'If you've got crabs, this is a real shit way to tell me, Dude.'  
Roy almost chocked on the damn air. Turning around he shook his head dumbly, his free hand moving to tug at his hair.  
'Fancied a change.' He said simply, hoping that it would satisfy Jason and he'd leave him alone.  
'At three in the morning?' Jason frowned slightly, eyes raking up and down Roy's body before finally resting on the track marks. 'Hmm, okay? Want some help? You're real shit at cutting your own hair.'  
Jason should be sleeping. Jason needed to sleep or he'd become unwell, but here he was, pandering to Roy, and on his birthday too. Roy couldn't feel any shittier if he tried.  
'You don't have ta. I'm okay at it.'  
'Shut up and get in the tub. Ain't having you spreading hair everywhere like a malting dog, Harper.'

The bath tub was where both boys cut their hair. It kept the mess to an easily managed minimum that stopped Jason from twitching and usually, one would help the other. It was one of Roy's favourite spots. Tucked between Jason's muscular thighs, listening to the steady buzz of the clippers. If he glanced in the mirror, Jason always had his bottom lip sucked in, in concentration.  
Tonight was slowly sending Roy into a giddy high and it took all his will power to not nuzzle into Jason's crotch. It smelt like Jason, of him, of both of them, mingling together In a heady cocktail.  
'So, what we going for?'  
'Crew cut.' Roy said with certainty and he could feel the weight of Jason's stare on his shoulders.  
'That's- well, um, that's - different?'  
'Yup.'  
'Okay.'  
Closing his eyes, Roy exhaled deeply, and for the first time all day he felt calm. Feeling Jason's calloused fingers on the nape of his neck, the blade of the clippers cutting loose his shame. Maybe this time he would finally be able to wash Roy the addict down the plug hole. Be the person Jason deserved.

'So, let's cut the crap. What's this really about Harper?'  
Jason's breath was warm against his newly bared neck but Roy shuddered regardless.  
'N-nothing. Fancied a change is all.'  
'Bullshit.'  
For a long time, only the buzzing of the clippers filled the silence. Roy squirming in between Jason's legs.  
'You're too good for me.' Roy finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.  
Chuckling, Jason shook his head and put the clippers down to brush the hair from Roy's shoulders.  
'It's just a haircut Harper. I-' A tear dropped onto his hand and Jason looked at it before craning his neck to look at Roy, who was crying quietly to himself. 'Harper?'  
As if he had turned on a tap, Roy crumbled into a puddle of tears so suddenly that Jason was concerned that he'd fill up the bath. Uncaring about the strands of Roy hair clinging to his body, Jason slid down the tub, encircling his limbs around the distressed man.  
Roy gasped at the uncharacteristic personal contact and lifted his head to blink at a very worried looking Jason.  
'Why are you here?'  
'Um, well I was cutting your hair and you got upset so-'  
Trailing off, Jason shrugged growing more confused and this time, Roy did not find his literal way of looking at the world endearing.  
'No, why are you here at all? I don't understand you.' Roy mumbled, feeling Jason's hands still around him.

'This, this is about me?'  
Nodding, Roy felt so shit he had to swallow down the urge to vomit. The urge to just get up and go score a hit, find a bar, anything, anything to get away from, this. Better a high addict than the selfish, miserable sober one he currently was. He was funny when he was high or drunk, his friends had told him so. No, that was wrong. He remembered what the nurse had told him in rehab. Friends cared for you, supported you through the tears and the smiles. Friends didn't beat you up and steal your belongings whilst you were intoxicated. They didn't break your fingers because you were late paying the never ending debt you apparently owed.  
No, Roy's true friends had been the Titans but he'd given them up, willingly, to get his head kicked in and dragged behind a car for half a mile.  
'Harper? Roy? Buddy please? You're frightening me.' Jason called out to him, tapping his cheeks with such gentleness it hurt. Jason was worried about him. He shouldn't bother, he had more important things to worry about.  
'I'm fine. Just, just go sleep, Jaybird.'  
'No. Harper, please? I can't sleep knowing you're upset. What did I do?'

Jason wasn't going to give it up. The damn fool was like a dog with a bone sometimes. Sighing heavily, Roy leant his cheek against the side of the bath, wishing silently that Jason's thigh was still there.  
'You're so strong Jaybird. Such an amazing, inspiring person. I can't, I don't understand why you're still here? Putting up with me. With this.' The words tumbled out of Roy's mouth before he could stop them. 'You deserve more than a washed up, broken, old addict. You deserve the world.'  
'Are you high?' Jason blurted out, before inwardly wincing and mumbling an apology. 'That's not what I meant. Well, it kinda is. Harper, you forgotten who you're fucking?'  
Shaking his head, Roy turned to cup Jason's cheek in the palm of his hand, fresh tears glistening on his cheeks.  
'No. You're so beautiful. Like an angel.'  
Jason screwed up his face and Roy knew, just knew he was checking the dilation of his pupils.  
'I'm not high, Jason.'  
'Coulda fooled me. I gots blood on my hands, Harper? I kill people, hardly the boyfriend material you take home to meet grandma. My mind is fucked to hell. You're fucking a broken man. I barely recognise myself as a man, as a person some days. I'm an absconded psychiatric patient. You should turn me over but instead you break the law and harbour me. Put up with all my bullshit, even when I'm just down right mean to you. I-'  
'That's not all you are Jaybird. You're so much more than that.' Roy immediately jumped in, to shoot down his Jaybird's demons as quickly as he summoned them. It was true. None of that mattered. Not to Roy.

'I broke your nose last month.'  
Nodding, Roy brushed a hand over his nose. Jason had horrific flashbacks, nightmares, frightening fits of rage. When those hit, Jason lashed out and it didn't matter who was in the way.  
'You didn't mean to. Not like me, you got that from me.' Roy protested solemnly, his hand moving from his nose to ghost his fingertips over the bruise on his Jaybird's cheek, now yellowing, almost lost on his skin tone.  
Jason wasn't the only one driven by fits of rage, by a sheer need to watch the world burn, to destroy. It was ugly and wrong.  
'You didn't mean to.' Jason parroted with a soft smile. He noticed how Roy's hand rubbed along his forearm as he started to sob again. Reaching down, he placed a hand gently on top of the track marks. 'These? They're still scars Roy. Like mine. Just different. They are a sign of how fucking strong you are, Harper. Only a lion could fight addiction and win. You won.' Jason whispered against Roy's ear, hands trailing up and down his bare sides soothingly. 'Te amo.'

For a moment Roy forgot how to breathe. He wanted to ask Jason to say that's again. Just to hear those words again, but deep down he knew he never would. It had taken this long for Jason to say it once. Roy knew that admitting something that made him so vulnerable in his mother tongue was a huge, huge deal for Jason.  
Smiling slightly, Roy leant back against a firm chest, feeling hands softly caress his arms, his feet, all the places that bore the evidence of his past. Soothing the writhing itch that had settled beneath his skin like bugs.  
'I love you, Jaybird.'

  
One quick scrub down later, Roy found himself bundled up in bed, Jason spooning him from behind, nosing at the crook of his neck sleepily. Warm hands, squishing down the bugs, soothing his very damn soul.  
'Te amo, Harper, te amo.' Jason mumbled against skin, sealing the words with a sloppy kiss. The rush of the action hitting him harder and faster than Heroin ever had. Even when he had mainlined into the femoral vein.  
That's when he realised that cutting his hair had been futile. He could never change who he was, the past. Jason was proof enough of that. You could only build on the burnt out remains left behind.

Roy and Jason were who they were.  
Two broken young men fending for themselves on the outskirts of a society who either couldn't or wouldn't accept them. Two disturbed young men who just wanted to make it through another day. Together they felt it, the mutual feeling of self loathing, hatred and destruction.  
It read more like a tragedy than anything else.  
Two lives full of so much potential.  
Broken.  
Lost.  
Neither could return to who they used to be.  
Together though, they could figure out who they were now. In the aftermath of the destruction.  
Wandering through the wasteland of lives once lived, the young men leant against one another.  
Encouraged the other to keep moving.  
To pick up their broken parts to make something new.

  
Maybe this time it wouldn't be ugly.  
Time could only tell.

Jason's song suddenly made sense.  
Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,  
Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together.


End file.
